Shaman Secrets
by Ava Drake
Summary: A NabooxSaboo fanfiction. Rating may change later. Naboo and Saboo are forced to work together.Very closely together.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys. Uh, I've recently become completely addicted to the Mighty Boosh. And I found out there aren't many (by which I mean there is one) NabooxSaboo stories. So, at my sister's request, I decided to write one myself. **

The bell rang as a new customer came in the shop. Howard looked up from 'Stationary Village,' while Vince glanced up from his newest issue of Cheek-Bone. They glanced over the new customer and swapped looks.  
'Well I'm not taking him,' Vince's eyes read.  
'Why do I always have to take the nutbags?' Howard asked back.  
Vince rolled his eyes and looked back at the customer. "Uh, hi. Can I help you?"  
"I'm looking for Naboo."  
"Uh, right. Well he's not here right now, so if you leave a message…"  
"I _must _speak to Naboo," the man repeated.  
"Yeah, well, he's not here right now," Vince repeated angrily. "But if you leave a message-"  
"Uh, is there a problem here?" Howard said, finally moving away from his ridiculous Stationary Village to help.  
"Yes, I'm looking for Naboo."  
"Right, well he's out right now," Howard began explaining.  
"This is important," the man hissed.  
"Right now, sir." Howard began. "Naboo isn't here."  
"As I have heard. Regardless I must speak to Naboo."  
"Now listen sir, it just isn't possible." Howard said. Vince nodded.  
The man frowned. "Where is he then?"  
"What?" Vince chimed in.  
"Where. Is. Naboo?"  
"Well he's gone, isn't he? Buggered off somewhere." Vince replied.  
"Where?" The man asked impatiently.  
"Shaman business," Howard informed him.  
The man's eyes narrowed. "Oh really?"  
"Yes 'really'," Vince mimicked.  
"That's what he told you then?"  
"That's what he told us," Howard confirmed.  
The man scowled. "Naboo's never been serious about his role as a shaman."  
"Oh, so you're a shaman then, are you?" Vince asked skeptically.  
"I am actually."  
"Oh really?"  
"Yes really."  
"Really really?"  
"Enough!" Howard said.  
Both men backed off.  
"Well, that explains the clothes then," Vince muttered as he looked over the man's clothes. Not that he had anything against the man's clothes. It was interesting – but the whole dark cowboy look was _so _last month. Apparently this guy didn't get the memo.  
"You two are bickering like children." Howard said. "Attack of the fashion-addled men. And Naboo takes his role very seriously," he added as an afterthought.  
"He may take his role seriously," the man replied quickly. "But he knows nothing of the crunch."  
"The crunch?" Vince said. "What's that?"  
The man was about to reply when Howard cut in. "The crunch? Wait a minute – I met you before, didn't I?"  
"Maybe." The man said with a shrug.  
"Yeah, yeah, I did. You hit me with a purse!"  
"Did I?" the man asked confused.  
Howard opened his mouth to respond, then thought better of it, and shook his head. "Listen, Naboo's not here. Come back some other time."  
"Oh, I will."  
"I'll be waiting."  
"Good."  
"Good then."  
The man then turned and stalked out of the shop.  
Vince gave Howard a smile. "What was that then?"  
"What was what?" Howard asked absently as he straightened his top.  
"That."  
"That what?"  
"You were vicious." Vince praised.  
"I was not."  
"You were. You were in there, like a wolf. Or a cheetah. Rah. You know, I met a cheetah once. It was nice. We had tea and everything."  
"You're a strange little man Vince."  
"I'm a sunshine child," Vince corrected him.  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Howard said, rolling his eyes as he walked back to fix up his Stationary Village.  
"I mean it though!" Vince said, following Howard over. "You were good."  
Howard looked at him disbelievingly. "You need to get out more, you're beginning to rot."  
"I can't go out. You know that! It's the latest fashion! Cheek-bone told me so. It's the time to stay indoors – only the fashionless are going out nowadays."  
Howard sighed. "You and your fashions."  
"Yeah, what about them?"  
Howard shook his head and decided that he wasn't even going to bother complaining.  
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Vince said, walking back to the counter, and his magazine.  
Howard rolled his eyes and began arranging his paper clips in order of colour.  
There was a silence.  
"I wonder what he wanted." Vince said aloud.  
"Huh?"  
"That man. I wonder what he wanted."  
"I dunno, Vince. Probably Shaman business."  
"Huh."  
"Better not dwell on it," Howard said.  
"Mmm," Vince said, casting one last look at the door, before returning and immersing himself into the wonderful world of Cheek-Bone.


	2. Chapter 2

Naboo entered his shop and looked at the two men. "A'right."  
"Hey Naboo," Vince said. "A friend of yours was round here earlier."  
"A friend?" Naboo asked, casting a look at his familiar Bollo. Bollo shrugged.  
"Yeah. Tall man, wearing the whole dark look – you know nice hat and feathers and-" But before Vince could start a real proper explanation of the man's clothes, Howard chimed in.  
"Said he was a shaman."  
"Really?" Naboo said.  
"Saboo," Bollo grunted.  
Naboo gave Bollo a look. "Oh really?" he said sarcastically, and then frowned to himself. "Wonder what he wants."  
Bollo shrugged. "I have a bad feeling about this."  
Naboo gave him a look. "You have a bad feeling about everything. Anything specific?"  
Bollo shook his head.  
Naboo scoffed. "You're useless."  
"Sorry."  
"He said he'd be back," Vince added.  
Naboo sighed and walked towards the staircase. "Yeah, yeah," he said unhappily.  
"I take it you're not friends then?" Howard asked.  
"Not really, yeah."  
"Saboo doesn't like anyone." Bollo clarified.  
"Yeah, he seemed like a real charmer," Howard muttered.  
"Mmm, you'd do good to stay away from him," Naboo advised.  
"Oh yeah, well I guess I'll have to cancel the party then," Vince said sarcastically.  
Naboo gave him a serious look. "I mean it. Stay away from him."  
Vince nodded. "Sure. Can't have a party anyway."  
"It's out of fashion." Howard said with a hint of mockery.  
"Whatever. I mean it. You see him round here, you tell me."  
The men nodded and Naboo went upstairs.  
"What's that about, do you think?" Howard asked.  
Vince shrugged. "Better not dwell on it," he mimicked.  
Howard pushed him. "Whatever."  
Vince gave a laugh.


	3. Chapter 3

The man returned the next week. Vince sighed as he looked at the man.  
"Back again then, are you?" he asked.  
"I am, actually, yes. Is Naboo in?"  
Vince sighed. "Yeah, he is, actually. I'll go get him."  
The man didn't say anything and Vince rolled his eyes as he pushed away from the counter and made his way upstairs to where Naboo and Bollo were playing a game of cards.  
"A'ight," Naboo said.  
"Hey. That guy's back."  
"What guy?" Naboo asked.  
"That shaman guy."  
"Saboo," Bollo muttered.  
"Oh." Naboo said. Then he stood up. "I win," he added, as he threw down his cards.  
Bollo gave a grunt of annoyance and clambered to his feet. Naboo straightened his turban and went downstairs, with Bollo at his heels.  
"Saboo," Naboo began.  
"Ah, Naboo. Finally."  
"Yeah, what do you want? I'm sorta busy, you know, running a shop and all."  
"Running a shop? Your dossbags run the shop."  
"No they don't. I do stuff too."  
"Yeah, like what?"  
"Stuff, you know. Shop stuff."  
Saboo blinked. "Your shop stuff won't come in handy when it comes to the crunch."  
Naboo rolled his eyes. "Here we go, crunch this, crunch that. Why don't you get a life?"  
"Oh, it's all fun and games till it comes to the crunch." Saboo retorted.  
Naboo sighed. "Right, what you here for?"  
Saboo opened his mouth.  
"And don't say the crunch," Naboo finished.  
Saboo shut his mouth and glared at him. "This has nothing to do with the crunch, at least it is as far from the crunch as it is possible."  
Naboo raised an eyebrow. "Really?" That was new.  
Saboo frowned. "Yes, 'really'." He replied. "This is Shaman Business."  
"Yeah, what business?" Naboo said without really caring.  
"It's about…" Saboo paused, casting a suspicious glance at Vince, and leant forward towards Naboo. "the witch." He whispered.  
"The witch?" Naboo repeated.  
"Yes, the witch."  
"Which witch?" Vince asked, having snuck up beside them in the whispering.  
The shamans jumped.  
"_The _witch," Saboo clarified.  
"She's a witch." Naboo said, in way of explanation.  
Vince frowned. "So?"  
"She's a right pain," Saboo told him. "Always getting in our way. And she knows nothing of the crunch," he added annoyed.  
Vince gave him a look. "Right yeah. But um, this witch…what about her?"  
"She's causing trouble."  
"What kind of trouble?" Naboo asked.  
"Trouble trouble." Saboo replied.  
There was a pause.  
"What kind of trouble is that?"  
"_Bad _trouble."  
There was another pause.  
"Right, but what does that _mean?_" Vince asked.  
Saboo sighed. "It's far beyond your comprehension."  
"Right yeah, I'm sure," Vince said.  
"It is."  
"Sure."  
"I mean it."  
"I know you do."  
"I'm sure ."  
"Right!" Naboo cut in. "So, what do you want to do about her?"  
Saboo paused. "I…need your help."


	4. Chapter 4

There was a silence, and finally Vince laughed.  
"What you need his help for?" he asked. "Can't the crunch help you?"  
Saboo scowled. "You know nothing of the crunch."  
"You got that right." Vince retorted.  
Naboo sighed, and exchanged looks with Bollo, who shrugged.  
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Bollo warned him.  
Naboo shrugged.  
Saboo gave Bollo a look, then switched his gaze to Naboo. "Well?"  
"What do you need me for?" Naboo complained. "Find some else. Ask Kirk."  
"Unfortunately, Kirk is on…probation."  
"Oh no, what's he done now?"  
"He seems to have been fulfilling and overindulging his sexual appetite."  
"Oh."  
Bollo sighed in disappointment. "Kirk," he muttered.  
"But why me?" Naboo asked.  
Saboo scowled. "It wasn't my decision. The Head Shaman ruled this."  
Naboo sighed. He hadn't had nearly enough alcohol or drugs to deal with this. "What do you want me to do?"  
Saboo's expression changed to one of triumph. "A journey to the Witch's Lair," he informed the others. "We go there and…complain."  
"Complain?" Vince repeated with a half-laugh. "What you gonna complain about?"  
"And if our demands are not met, we kill her." Saboo continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.  
"Ah."  
Bollo and Vince exchanged glances.  
"You're on." Naboo said. "Just let me pack."  
Vince's eyes widened, and he pulled Naboo away. "What do you mean 'you're on'?"  
"I have to help. It's my duty as Shaman."  
"Duty schmootie," Vince replied. "He doesn't like you, he can do it himself. Besides, we need you here."  
Naboo paused. "Listen, Vince, I have to do this. You can do this too, you have Howard to help."  
"Howard?" Vince exclaimed in disbelief. "Howard can't help me, he doesn't even know the difference between a Stetson and Resistol hats!"  
"Is there a difference?" Naboo asked with a frown.  
Vince scoffed and shook his head. "I don't believe this. You're leaving me alone with Howard, _again._"  
Naboo frowned. "What's brought this on, Vince? I thought you liked Howard."  
"I do, yeah, but-"  
"He going crazy being inside for so long." Bollo cut in.  
"Oh, right, yeah, how's that going?" Naboo asked.  
"Fine," Vince snapped.  
"Some sunshine child you are," Naboo told him.  
Vince rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Come back soon okay? Otherwise there'll be a dead body here and I won't be responsible."  
"Oh relax," Naboo replied. "Bollo's staying too."  
"Huh?" Bollo grunted.  
"Well, you can't come, can you? Big ape, not that inconspicuous is it? We're going to need stealth."  
"Yeah, two guys dressed as a cowboy and a genie in this age of mods, not gonna stand out at all," Vince mocked.  
Naboo gave him a look. "Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go pack."  
Vince and Bollo watched as Naboo walked away.  
Bollo looked at Vince. "I have a bad feeling about this."  
"Yeah, yeah," Vince said, walking back to the counter, ignoring Saboo. "Tell me something I don't know."


	5. Chapter 5

Naboo quickly grabbed a few essentials and went back downstairs.  
"Ready?" Saboo asked with a frown. Naboo glanced around the room. Bollo and Vince were both pointedly ignoring Saboo. Naboo sighed again. This was going to be a long day.  
"Right then, let's go." Naboo said, slinging his bag over a shoulder.  
Saboo nodded, and walked to the door.  
Naboo looked at Vince and Bollo. "Stay safe, right?"  
They nodded.  
"Goodbye friend." Bollo said.  
Naboo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I'll be back soon."  
Vince gave him a nod. "Bye then."  
Naboo nodded back, and turned away. "Say bye to Howard for me, would ya?"  
"Yeah." Vince said. "Cya."  
And Naboo walked out of his shop out onto the street, followed closely by Saboo.  
Bollo looked at Vince and opened his mouth. "I have a-"  
"Bad feeling about this, yeah, yeah I know." Vince interrupted.  
Bollo gave a grunt of annoyance, and wished that the indoors phase would finish soon. The sunshine kid was losing his sunshine. He was about to say something reassuring to his friend when Howard entered.  
"Hey, you guys haven't seen Naboo anywhere have you? I need him to sign some stuff off, since he was away all last week."  
"Oh, he's gone," Vince said.  
"Gone? Gone where?"  
"I dunno." Vince shrugged. "Shaman business."  
"Shaman business?" Howard repeated in an incredulous tone. "What do you mean Shaman business? He's needed here."  
Vince shrugged. "Well he's not here, is he?"  
Howard opened his mouth, then shut it again. "I don't like you when you're like this." He said.  
"Well deal with it," Vince said, then stood up and stormed off.  
Howard looked at Bollo with a frown. "He needs to get out."  
Bollo nodded in agreement.


	6. Chapter 6

Naboo and Saboo were silent on their journey. Saboo drove the flying carpet, and Naboo just sat there. There was an uncomfortable tension between them. Neither one liked the other. Naboo closed his eyes. He was worried. About many, many things. Namely, his shop. Leaving Vince in charge. That was worrying.  
Bollo was there though. He'd help. Probably.  
And then there was this mission. This witch. The witch.  
"What's she doing?" Naboo asked suddenly.  
"What?" Saboo snapped, having been shook from his own musings.  
"The witch, right? What is it she's actually doing?"  
"I dunno. Witch stuff."  
"You're kidding right? Witch stuff." He repeated in disbelief. "I just left my shop for this and you don't even know what she's doing? I don't believe this."  
Saboo shot him a look. "The Head Shaman's report was sketchy at best."  
"And yet you pulled me out here for it."  
"The Head Shaman pulled you out," Saboo corrected. "And the reports we do have are very unsettling."  
Naboo sat back. "And what's that mean?"  
Saboo gave him a look akin to disgust. "It means something bad."  
Naboo sighed. "Right, we've been through this. What does that mean?"  
Saboo gazed off into the distance. "I don't know."  
Naboo rolled his eyes.


End file.
